Don’t be like Ike…”What’d you say Anna May?”

Although, the title may imply a comical stance on domestic violence, it is no joke and it does happen in gay and lesbian relationships, but can sometimes be overlooked because of the same-sex aspect of the relationship. Some things I might touch on may seem cheesy or cliché but it is true and it does happen. When it does it is very serious, just like you wouldn’t let a man hit you, you should never let a partner hit you either. It just isn’t right and it does get worse.

Usually in lesbian relationships arguments can be heated and that can be considered normal, but after it reaches the point of no return then you need to find and recognize the signs. First off, when those heated arguments get more heated or the quantity of the arguments increases, you need to know that a chat or some sort of communication is necessary. Or if verbal abuse is present: name calling, cussing ETC. that is not good. Sometimes verbal abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse.

On that note, if you feel like you can’t talk to your partner because she is so touchy and will go off at the drop of a hat, that is something that needs to be taken seriously. You should always be able to communicate with your partner and not have that fear that she will just go off on you. If you feel like you are walking on egg shells sometimes or all the time then check into that.

Breaking things in an argument or throwing things is also a sign that anger and meanness is present. If things get thrown during arguments even if they are not thrown directly at you that is still something to look at and to recognize as violent behavior. The same thing with breaking stuff, it is unneccessary and violent.

When the physical things start then you need to take a hint and hopefully take action. Do not let anyone hit you or act violently toward you. It is not worth it, not only could it end in death it could never end. It might seem hard and you might be terrified but believe me when I tell you that getting away is possible. If you have been dealing with this for a while it is still never too late to do something about it. Any type of physical behavior out of anger is about, whether it’s a push, hair pulling, grabbing or whatever.

Believe it or not, there are people out there who take same-sex abuse just as seriously as heterosexual abuse. Women’s shelters, counsellors, and experts are there to help. They will not judge you they will help but only if you want help.

Do not let it get out of hand, if you feel like you are in that situation reach out, send me an anonymous email and I will send you a list of places that can help. Believe me being a survivor is better than not being one and I have been there, so I am not just writing this blog with no particular goal in mind.

Mz. Pink

2 Comments

  1. No one ever deserves to be abused and it is never your fought. Hope this information is useful!

    What is Domestic Violence?
    Domestic violence is a pattern of physical or psychological abuse, threats, intimidation, isolation or economic coercion used by one person to exert power and control over another person in a dating, family or household relationship. Unfortunately, many people feel domestic violence is a private matter and often choose to suffer alone in silence. It is not, or it should not be a private matter, it is a CRIME!!!

    Forms of Abuse

    Emotional Abuse:
    It harms a person’s self-image and self-esteem. It often causes shame or the individual to question themselves.

    Repeated lies
    Withholding affection
    Extreme jealousy
    Frequent insults and put-downs
    Threats the person safety or loved one’s safety
    Controlling the person’s whereabouts, dress, eat & etc.
    Physical Abuse:
    It causes physical pain or injuries.
    Any unwanted physical act that is unwanted and hurtful (even hugging, tickling or kissing if unwanted)

    Kicking
    Slapping
    Attack with a knife, gun or any other object consider to be a weapon
    Any physical unwanted act that is hurtful.
    Sexual Abuse:
    It is any kind of unwanted sexual advance or contact. This can include anything from unwelcomed touching, kissing, intercourse or unwanted sexual comments. Forced sexual intercourse between two people is always called “date rape” and unfortunately is too, too common and goes unreported.

    How Can You Help?

    Support
    Be an Advocate
    Support Causes that Support Survivors
    Educate your loved ones of the problems that exist
    Volunteer

    Listen

    National Domestic Violence Help-line
    (800) 799-7233
    (800) 787-3224 TDD

    Chicago Domestic Violence Help-line
    (877) 863-6338
    (877) 884-0005

    Safety Planning
    Planning for safety during a violent act involves figuring out how to safely exit the home or finding a lower-risk place to go if an argument happens. As a result, a place with no exits, such as bathrooms or closets, or that provide access to weapons such as in kitchens or garages, are difficult and unlikely to provide safety. Individuals should make a list of people they might contact in an emergency or places they coud go to if they decide to leave.

    Safety Plan Emergency Checklist & Other Important Items to Possibly Take When Leaving:

    ___ Identification for yourself
    ___ Driver license or state ID
    ___ Your birth certificate
    ___ Child/Children birth certificates
    ___ Social security card for yourself
    ___ Social security cards for your child/ children
    ___ Money
    ___ Lease, rental agreement, deed to house, Mortgage information
    ___ Wallet, checkbook, credit cards, ATM
    ___ Orders of Protection
    ___ Insurance cards & policies
    ___ Keys
    ___ Medications
    ___ Address book
    ___ Pictures
    ___ Shot & school records
    ___ Passport, work permits, green card
    ___ Divorce
    ___ Jewelry or whatever you feel is necessary
    ___ Journal of details of physical abuse with dates, times & what occurred
    Profile of an Abuser:

    Jealous – Accuses victim of being unfaithful or flirting
    Isolate partner or limit contact with friends and family
    Tries to control partner
    Jekyll & Hyde personality, Nice around other people and terrible alone in person with you.
    Threaten to hurt you or your children/ family
    Very critical may say “No one will ever want you or you are ugly”
    Blames other all the times for their actions
    Bad tempers
    Threaten suicide or have made suicide attempts
    Always apologizes after abuse and make a lot of false promise of future changes.
    Comes from an abusive family (Cycle of Abuse tends to repeat itself if help is not receiced)

All opinions and questions welcome!

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